Things I Learnt from ‘Man of Steel’
Me: Can we go and see Despicable Me 2?
Him: Are you kidding?
Me: Does this look my ‘I’m kidding’ face?
Him: It’s a film for kids. I’m not going watching that crap.
Me: Hey! I’ve just been to see that Superman crap with you!
I expect this will result in us both going off to see Despicable Me 2 and us both thoroughly enjoying it (but him hiding it well).
So, on that basis I went along to see the film. The first hour wasn’t as bad as I expected. But it’s more than 2 hours long and well over an hour of that is just a series of people in funny clothes flying across a New York-esque skyline punching one another while skyscapers seemingly spontaneously combust in a manner that makes the collapse of the World Trade Centre look like the dismantling of a toddler’s lego model.
However, let’s look at the silver lining. I learnt something. Quite a few things actually.
A Very Brief Synopsis
Before I divulge the hugely important life lessons that Man of Steel can teach us all, allow me to share a brief synopsis.
Some planet far away is about to implode. So an alien, Russell Crowe, nicks some ‘codex’ thing, zaps his newborn son with it and sticks the baby in a space ship bound for Earth. Alone. Some bad dude with a weird name is kinda pi**ed about the whole thing and vows he’ll hunt the son down. Blah blah.
In the meantime, the newborn baby survives its space flight and turns up in Kansas (because all aliens land somewhere in the US, dontcha know?). Kevin Costner finds the spaceship and he and his wife do what any couple finding a baby in a space ship would do and they bring the baby up as their own and hide the space ship in their barn.
The baby, now named Clark, is of course superhuman, casually saving a bus load of school kids from drowning and things like that. He grows up to be Henry Cavill – probably the hottest alien of any film ever. He starts getting stalked by a journalist called Lois (who obviously also thinks he’s hot). Then the bad dude from space catches up with him, they fight, the bad guy says he’s gonna wipe out the human race and he and Henry Cavill don their funny costumes and have the aforementioned fight resulting in the catastrophic devastation of
New York Metropolis.
Then, when all that’s over and done with, Henry Cavill uses his 0 years, 0 months, 0 weeks and 0 days of journalism experience to land himself a journo job at a big newspaper.
Things I Learnt from Man of Steel
- Superman’s biological Dad is Russell Crowe
- Superman’s Earth Dad was also once Whitney Houston’s bodyguard
- To break into journalism, you just have to put glasses on and carry a briefcase
- Newborn babies can survive solo space flights
- Dead people can be brought back to life if you press a Superman shaped button on a space ship
- The ‘S’ of Superman’s costume apparently isn’t an S at all. #whatever
So… a worthwhile watch?
But ask me again when Despicable Me 2 is out.