Dear Google, Analytics on iPhone Would Be Nice

google analytics for iphone

Dear Google,

I use your Analytics platform (like millions of other people). Granted, I don’t pay the $150k a year to go Premium for the sake of an account manager. But I use your platform and you use my data (with consent). So I consider something of a mutually beneficial relationship. Sort of.

For years now, my iPhone and I have tried in vain to use the browser based version of Analytics, which crashes Safari and is ridiculously cumbersome. But I persist with Analytics because there’s no real alternative I love you. I’ve paid for a 3rd party Analytics app which is, well, alright, but no match for the real thing.

I couldn’t understand why you didn’t have a mobile app (or in the very least a reasonable mobile website). After all, it’s you guys who’ve been preaching about the growth of mobile and ability to have everything on us for God knows how long.

So imagine my joy when I saw the headline on Twitter: “Google Analytics announces an app for mobile!”

It felt like that moment of absolute joy when you wake up at 6am on a Saturday and then remember that you don’t have to get up.

“Great,” I thought. “I’ll download that later.”

So imagine my disappointment when I discovered this was Android only. Now that feeling was like waking up at 6am thinking it’s Saturday and then remembering it’s Monday. See what you did there? You ruined my Saturday. You ruined it all.

Now I get that Android is your baby. But some of us just like iPhones. Some of us think that although your little green mobile man is very cute, that we like iGadgetry. You can’t call it a mobile app if you’re only catering for Android users. In the USA, over 30% of Smartphone users have iPhones. In the UK, it’s a similar story. So your ‘Yes, we might think about an iPhone version, maybe… at some point,’ approach is actually rather negligent.

So consider this series of pointless images my way of telling you that I think you’re mean. Really, really mean.

Sulk.

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