Cruelty Against Apostrophes
Every year, millions of innocent apostrophes are cruelly abused. Forced silently into words in which they do not belong, they are often abandoned and left to face the rest of their existence as misfits, mocked and laughed at by those who have their wits about them.
This abuse must stop.
As part of our campaign to raise awareness about this heinous problem, two apostrophes agreed to speak to us. In order to protect their identity, real names have been withheld.
Some readers may find this distressing.
Paul the apostrophe had so much potential. His ambition was to feature in a large advertising campaign and he worked hard as a youngster. While his friends were out having fun, he was practicing his finest “possessive pose.” Hours of work went into it. Finally, he set his sights on the position of his dreams.
He wanted to feature in the new sign for the new “Sainsbury’s” near his home. He was all set for the audition and confident of getting the part.
Sadly, on the evening before his big day, Paul was kidnapped by a grammatical moron and forced, without any good reason, onto arguably the worst mug to have ever been produced in the history of the world.
Paul will never escape his cruel fate. But by raising awareness of his terrible plight, he hopes to be able to prevent millions of other apostrophes from experiencing the same undignified destiny.
Sally had modest but honourable ambitions.
“I’d always wanted to be a name tag one of those cute little drawers that children get in school. You know, something like, ‘Clare’s Tray.’ Schools are just such happy places and I would have loved to get that sort of role, you know?”
Unfortunately, it was not to be. Sally too was taken by a grammatical moron, forced to wear red and was left to rot in a plural noun.
“I do try to see the positive,” she tells us. “Not long after I arrived, there was another apostrophe added a little further down on the same sign. With two of us here, it’s not as lonely as it could be, I suppose.”
She stifles her tears, but her pain is visible.
No apostrophe should be subject to this type of cruelty. We’re calling on you to raise awareness and stop the grammatical morons before even more innocent apostrophes are stripped of their dignity.